QUESTION

Stasko writes:  I have been in 4 relationships each with women who are attractive and intelligent but needing some type of emotional help. As a psychologist, I find myself trying to help them in some way through my nuturing personality. Despite the initial positiveness in the relationships(each have been live-in 5+ yr. relationships) I find the relationships have failed for a variety of reasons ranging from having them become diffrerent people with increased self-esteem and then leaving me or becoming withdrawn and wanting to lead seperate lives. Am I choosing this type of person subconsciously or am I just a type of person who feels the need to help others? Please let me know your thoughts.

ANSWER:

Dear Stasko,

One thing I can say with confidence is that I believe in unconscious mental processes; we’ve had millions of experiences in our lives that have given rise to who we are emotionally and mentally; our early childhood experiences were most relevant in determining aspects of our self such as our self image and self esteem among many other self defining characteristics; anything that was painful was put into the unconscious and according to Freud’s theory (which I agree with) set up an internal conflict(s); something that would now remain in our psyche and give rise to behavior that would somehow re-create the conflict (Freud referred to this as the repetition compulsion) in hope of a different outcome; the first step is to recognize the pattern or theme in our relationships and then the work begins; one must through a deep sense of commitment look to understand the events and beliefs that give rise to the choices that are made in our lives; I believe that it is only through this “Inner awakening” can we free ourselves of old repetitive patterns that keep us stuck.

QUESTION

acshrader writes: I’m a very successful professional that keeps making the same mistakes at work – I’m getting physically involved with others at work – why do i keep making these mistakes?

ANSWER

Dear Acshrader,

I think themes in our behavior are real oppurtunities to learn about ourselves; you call your behavior a “mistake” which suggests that you are aware that this behavior somehow puts you at risk; the question then becomes, why would you put yourself at risk? Continue Reading

QUESTION

Hi Dr. Raj, I recently enrolled in a Master’s in Human Services program (online).  However, I have already missed the dead line for the first assignment.  It has been about 7 years since I have been in school and was really lookng forward to starting and completing this course well.  I’m not sure if I should withdraw from the program and complete it later or if I should take my losses and attempt to complete it any way.

ANSWER

Dear Joy,

The first thing that comes to my mind is that it is appropriate that you are having some anxieties about being back in school (it has been 7 years and being in school is anxiety provoking itself); a few questions come to mind:

• Can you turn in your assignment late?
• Can you contact the instructor and find out exactly what impact completing your assignment late has on your final evaluation?

Wanting to complete the course “Well” has many different meanings depending on the individual; it is understandable that you had set your goals high but don’t let that stop you from reaching your ultimate goal (completing your Master’s Degree); when all is said and done, if you achieve an “A” or a “B” will all be an after thought.

QUESTION

Kat writes: My 13 y/o niece was just started on Prozac. She seems to have some anxiety and maybe OCD.  What are your thoughts on young teenagers taking antidepressants?

ANSWER

Dear Kat,   Prozac is approved for use in pediatric patients with major depressive disorder (MDD) and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).  Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can restore the balance of certain brain chemicals that regulate mood. When these brain chemicals are in proper balance, the symptoms MDD and OCD may be relieved.   Antidepressants are used to relieve the obsessive thoughts and subsequent compulsive behaviors in those who have OCD. By increasing the level of serotonin in the brain, antidepressants help to regulate the communication between different parts of the brain. One thing to keep in mind is that there is the following black box warning with Prozac:    Suicidality in Children and Adolescents— Antidepressants increased the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in short-term studies in children and adolescents with major depressive disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of Prozac or any other antidepressant in a child or adolescent must balance this risk with the clinical need. With that said, In one 13-week clinical trial in pediatric patients (N=103). Prozac produced a statistically significantly greater mean change from baseline to endpoint than did placebo as measured by the Children’s Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (CY-BOCS).   I suggest that you and your niece work closely with a child psychiatrist in setting up an appropriate treatment plan that may include some therapeutic element.

QUESTION

Toma ask’s:  In response to your bio statement—”I realized that self worth and a sense of purpose can never come from the outside, they must be found within”.   Please tell me how one achieves self worth and purpose when “the outside” is so influential? If there is little self confidence and strength within, how do you find it ?

ANSWER

Dear Toma,

I believe that we live in a society that is very externally based; many of us are taught that how much money we earn and what clothes we wear or what car we drive somehow makes a difference in how important we are as individuals; I think that each one of us counts and each one of us has impact everyday regardless of these factors Continue Reading