Archive for the ‘Making Choices’ Category

iNTj writes: A close friend of mine has been seeing the same psychologist every other week for over 4 years. This friend is college educated and intelligent. He does not abuse drugs or alchohol. He has a problem with anger management…..

8 August 2007 | No Comments »

QUESTION

Dr. Raj,

A close friend of mine has been seeing the same psychologist every other week for over 4 years.  This friend is college educated and intelligent. He does not abuse drugs or alchohol.  He has a problem with anger management, often reacting out of proportion to events.  His reaction can range from melancholy to temper tantrums that include shouting insults.  He can go up to six weeks without having what I call a “melt down”.  How do I know this?  Because I have actually tracked his mood swings on a calendar over 12 months.  The melt downs can last 2 days, 1 week or he may have one very few days for 2 weeks.  Then, he will recover and appear happy and content for 2 to 6 weeks.  I know this is probably bipolar disorder.  Or maybe it is post tramatic stress, since he grew up with domestic violence between his parents.  The point is…my friend does not appear to be “getting better” in light of all the therapy he has gotten.  I can see no changes in his behavior!over the 3 1/2 months I have known him.  I know my friend speaks openly to his doctor and is honest to a fault.  He does realize he has problems with self esteem, depression, mood swings and handling his anger.  I know not every doctor is the same caliber, too.  What type of therapy shoud my friend be getting? Talk therapy? Cognitive behavior therapy?  What strategies can you suggest?

ANSWER

Dear iNTj,

It does seem that you have alot of insight into your friends problems and that you genuinely care about his well being.  You mentioned that he see’s a therapist every two weeks, how often is he seeing his psychiatrist?  What is the working diagnoses that his psychiatrist is treating?  Is he on any psychiatric medications and have any helped?

We now know that the most effective treatment will address the Biological-Psychological-Social domains individually.  What this means is that once, the presenting problem is understood, a health care practioner should address each of these domains to get the most effective treatment response. The Biological domian usually involves medicaton management, the Psychological involves getting into psychotherapy and the Social domain involves looking at and understanding social facotrs that are contributing to the persons presenting complaint(s) i.e. family dynamics.

Remember that it takes time to corrently diagnoses and understand the dynamics of human behavior.  I know this can be frustrating for many individuals but the number of diagnostic tests in psychiatry are limited.  Our most useful tool is obtaining a through history from our patients and their families in order to come up with a working diagnoses and over time it is verified or adjusted.  Many times I hear from people, “My Psychiatrist only spent 2 minutes with me, how could he have correctly diagnosed me?”  My response to them is usually to find somone else who will spend the time obtaining the proper history to properly formulate a treatment plan.

As far as therapy goes, I think going every other week is not as effective as going every week.  In my opinoin, much happens in two weeks and the session usually becomes about “catching up” versus working on insight.  Their are also many different types of therapy that range from working on supporting the individual to working on insight around internal conflicts.  Their are also therapies that focus on one’s thoughts (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) as well as being more mindful about one’s behaviors (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy).  Which approach is best is dependent on the individual who is entering it.  As a genral rule of thumb those in treatemnt do better than those who are not in treatment.

Thus, I commend your efforts in understanding your friend’s current challenges but remember that he must make the committment to find the appropiate answers.  You can not do his work for him but only support him along the journey.  He’s lucky to have you in his life.

My parents ignored me when I was growing up, and I just want someone to love me. If I have a baby to love me……..

21 June 2007 | No Comments »

QUESTION

My parents ignored me when I was growing up, and I just want someone to love me. If I have a baby to love me, will that satisfy my need, even though I am only 18?

ANSWER

First of all, the answer is not searching for something to “love you” but to understand why it is that you don’t feel loved; my understanding of the mind says to me that your lack of feeling loved is based on your experiences in early childhood; the question now becomes, “Would a child be the vehicle to love?”

My answer to this would be no.

You must learn to love yourself even though at times you don’t understand yourself; in my opinion, you can never find love outside of yourself.

Having an infant is not about wanting to be loved by him or her; it’s about providing unconditional love TO THEM; this will difficult if you are looking for the same thing the infant is looking for, which is essentionaly “wanting to be loved”.

I would suggest to you to explore (with a therapist) just how your parents ignoring you impacted you; understanding this will allow you to heal the place that you don’t feel loved and will one day lead to a life that most importantly will be more fullfilling.